The Fear of Looking Stupid

 

Why would anyone want to stand up and stick out today?  Watch any 24/7 news channel for fifteen minutes and you drop to the sofa in a cold sweat, relieved that one slightly radical comment you made yesterday wasn’t captured on a video phone and now serves as the point-counter point fodder for the anchor on duty.  I love this cartoon from the weekend paper because it exemplifies the reason we fear looking stupid and why we fall into a paradigm of playing “not to lose”:

 

 

Our “fear of stupid” not only discourages individuals from taking a stand, it also inhibits employees (especially of publically traded companies – more later) from contributing creative ideas that will increase innovation and contribute to the economic recovery of our nation.  Increased compliance, heightened examination, and misrepresentation prompt the average citizen or worker to focus primarily on the art of remaining “unnoticed.”

 

For most adults, this wave of scrutiny is a relatively new phenomenon – but we all recognize the tsunami that has traveled 500 miles per hour for the past few years that has now breached and permeates every dimension of our lives.  But what about our young men?  What do they think when they see lives decimated by an opinion or singular mistake?  How does this effect their desire (and future desire) to make an impact?

 

I’ll keep coming back to the “hat trick”.  I’ve shortened the definition to make it memorable:

 

• Read – the Bible every day
• Radar – keep eyes and ears open; expect God to show up and offer an opportunity to respond
• Risk – be willing to look foolish (stupid?)

 

Let’s make sure we keep a finger on our sons’ confidence pulse as well as our own to make sure we don’t allow the Illusionist to divert our attention from the real Game.  Let’s encourage our young men to play to win – and avoid playing not to lose.

The Ferocious Flirt (a.k.a God is in the Rain)

 

It (God’s will) is mysterious and terrifying, like the unfathomable depths of the ocean, full of wonders and dangers.

 

Jerry Sittser – The Will of God as a Way of Life

 

I love listening to fighter pilots tell stories, especially Navy pilots.  Years ago a former pilot and friend described a phenomenon common to almost every naval aviator at least once in his career.  He called it being “in the barrel.”  It goes something like this – it’s a stormy night, fifteen foot seas, visibility zero, and the pilot is trying land his craft on a bobbing postage stamp on a black ocean in the black of night.  Conditions worsen; fuel drops below the red line.  The plane quickly descends and the pilot becomes convinced he will not make it.  In his mind and heart he’s dead or soon will be.  In that moment something terribly wonderful happens – the pilot faces his own death.  A few seconds later several tons of steel drops on the carrier deck, the cable catches and the engines shut down.  He’s safe…. safe….but never again the same man.

 

Joseph had a similar experience.  He’s locked up in prison, away from friends, good food, and civilization.  Two years have passed since the cup bearer promised to put in a good word with Pharaoh; now he’s alone (except for his fellow prisoners and the guard) and probably thinking “This is it.  This is where God wants me to be the rest of my life.  So be it.”  One day he wakes up, gets a bath, new clothes and an audience with the Grand Puba.  Later that day he’s promoted to second in command of the most powerful country on the planet. 

 

Watch this clip from the movie “V for Vendetta”.  Evey, played by Natalie Portman, has just experienced imprisonment by what she believes is the dictatorial regime who is looking for the masked freedom fighter “V”.  Every day she is tortured, and then asked where V is located.  She doesn’t’ reveal his hideout, even when threatened with certain death.  Listen carefully to the dialogue.

 

Why are pain and agony such intimate bedfellows when it comes to facing our fears?  Why does God allow such trials?  In those times He seems as much a ferocious flirt as He is fascinating.  Remember the verse from Habakkuk from my last post:

 

Look at the nations and watch – and be utterly amazed.  For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

 

I didn’t mention that was neslted in God’s description of the tribulation Israel would soon experience for the next 400 years.

 

As Jerry Sittser states, He is both mysterious and terrifying.  But above all, He is good.  What happens to the pilots who survive their trip through the barrel?  Many become innovative entrepreneurs with no fear of failure.  What happened to Joseph?  He led Egypt with full confidence (in God) through the greatest famine in history.  In the movie clip V tells Evey that she has faced her own death, to commit to it, and remember it. He reminds her that when faced with fate she found something more important than her own life, a reason beyond her own existence. Jesus said the same thing: 

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:39)

 

When we’re in the barrel, we want to be anywhere else.  Unfortunately, when God ferociously flirts with us – it’s where we need to be to learn what we need to learn.  And after we end up on the deck, engines off, our hands clutching the stick, and teeth clenched – we too will have an opportunity to realize that we have no need to fear.  From that moment on we become very dangerous to the Illusionist, and he knows it.

 

Read the story of Joseph with your son and discuss the barrel.  The more he understands that his Father in heaven also flirts ferociously, the more prepared he will be for the storm.  For as Evey says, “God is in the rain.”

The Fascinating Flirt

 

I engaged in an interesting discussion over coffee last Saturday morning.  The topic was God’s fascinating, infinitely creative, and totally unpredictable leading in our lives.  In one way seeking God’s will is an exciting “bird watching” escapade; we live moment to moment with our radar on Defcon 1, looking for the Black Swans (good birds) to descend from the sky or emerge from the nearest Starbucks.  On the other hand our lives seem akin to a life-long gig of playing Sherlock Holmes where the “game” is constantly “afoot” and we require a heightened sense of observation and ratiocination to piece together the clues He drops in our path. 

 

In the midst of our banter, one of my friends described this process of “Practicing the Presence of God” (title of Brother Lawrence’s short but profound book) as God flirting with us.  I confess, as weird and awkward as it sounds, I immediately connected with the term.  God loves us; in fact He loves us so much that he makes life an Adventure.  We seek Him, we stumble, we fall, we get up, we read His word, we listen to friends, we respond to His clues and bread crumbs, we help others, we fail, we learn… we mature… and we enjoy the fascinating, flirtatious nature of our Creator. 

 

Sometimes flirting can mean a loving nudge that comes when we need to remember that He’s always with us – sometimes helping us to recover from our own failure and bad choices.  Watch this short clip from the movie “The Legend of Bagger Vance”.  Matt Damon plays a talented golfer named Rannulph Junuh who has a “Shadow” haunting him - buried memories and guilt from a traumatic event in World War II.  A series of improbable events lands Rannulph in a tri-match with the two most successful pros of that age – Bobby Jones and Walter Hagen.  A caddy appears before the event (Will Smith) named Bagger Vance and promptly offers his services to Rannulph.  After a rough start, Rannulph plays his way back into contention with Bagger’s coaching and encouragement.  In the final round, near the end of the match, Rannulph drives his ball deep into the woods. It’s in that unlikely place where Rannulph experiences the best of all flirtations:

Look at the nations and watch – and be utterly amazed.  For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe even if you were told.  Habakkuk 1:5

 

When we embrace His leading in the Adventure, when we realize that He connects dots through time and space in ways and means we cannot even imagine - strange and unusual things start to happen.  Remember the “heavenly hat trick”:

 

1. Read the Bible every day
2. Spiritual radar on Defcon 1
3. Be willing to look foolish

 

Enjoy the flirtations of your Creator, and encourage your son to love His Creator and the Adventure He offers.

Do What You Are

 

You know the worst thing?  The worst thing is not knowing your place in this world.

 

-Mr. Glass, from the movie Unbreakable

 

Os Guinness is one of the world’s most renowned theologians.  His passion, so it seems, is the subject of “Calling”; as he describes:

 

A sense of calling should precede a choice of job and career, and the main way to discover calling is along the line of what we are each created and gifted to be.  Instead of, ‘You are what you do,’ calling says: ‘Do what you are.’”

 

In the last post I described the guile and strategies of “The Great Illusionist”.  One of his most favored ruses is the distraction he offers young men in the form of easily accessible erotic media or online games that produce addictive behaviors and corroded confidence.  As a result, a young man often buries his desires and dreams and abandons any hope of being “what he is.”

 

In the movie Unbreakable David, the hero played by Bruce Willis, has for many years denied his desires; he is uniquely gifted to defend and protect the helpless, yet a random accident in high school causes him to bury the memory of his abilities.  A stranger enters David’s life nicknamed Mr. Glass who suggests that the subdued security guard might be more than he is.  Soon David starts to wonder - Could Mr. Glass be right?  Can I know my place in this world?

More Black Swans (at least within the financial sector) have attacked during the past two weeks more than any time in recent history.  We are incredibly distracted as a nation – a stock market slump, corporate bailouts and restructures, bankruptcies, a volitile presidential election, ongoing war, threat of nuclear developments, etc. etc. etc.  Swarming swans are indeed the “new normal.”  The illusion of equilibrium is a “my precious” not easily released.  These are no random occurrences or coincidences.  As another of my comic book heroes (”V” from the movie “V for Vendetta”) states, “There are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidences.” 

 

We must equip our young me to be prepared to lead in the new normal.  They are suffering, subdued, and becoming more inhibited with each passing year; but it need not be so.  We must rescue them and remind them of who they are – in Him.

 

Suggestion – watch Unbreakable together and ask your son, “How is your thought life?  Is there anything causing you to feel guilty?  If there is, you know I love you and we can work through it together.  I don’t want you to bury your dreams; I want you to be who you are in God’s calling for your life.”

900 Dream Builders

 

Over 900 men gathered on the floor of the Amway Arena in Orlando, Florida last Tuesday night to hear what it means to be a Dream Builder - and how to become one.  Click on this link and check out the videos at the bottom of the page to get a glimpse of the amazing experience of the event:

 

www.dreambuildersnetwork.org

 

We will post Kennan Burch’s talk as well as some cool interviews with Dream Builders on the site soon.  Enjoy the incredible sequence entitled The Artist and the Audience and especially Tapestry of Dreams.  As my friend and hero Derric Johnson says in the video – “Every man needs a dream!”

The Imperious Illusionist

 

In the next post I’ll focus on the facts and functions of the “wounds” suffered by a large percentage of young men in our society.  Not physical damage, but injuries of the heart and mind that function as “spiritual cautery knives” - cutting deep into their confidence and searing their soul to stifle confidence, initiative, and performance.  

 

Today, however, I want to concentrate on the Imperious Illusionist - the one who wounds by diverting our attention from God’s invitations, and distorting reality to distract us with synthetic stories of current events.  I’m speaking obviously of the master deceiver and our arch Enemy – Satan.

 

Illusionists make a living by distracting our attention.  By definition they don’t perform magic or the supernatural; their goal is to deceive us and distract our attention from what is really happening…

I once attended a performance by one of the world’s premier Illusionists.  After a few acts I was convinced I knew how he was fooling the audience.  I described the idea to my companions as we walked to the car, all of whom immediately disagreed.   A few years later I sat next to a fascinating individual on a flight who served for ten years as personal assistant to another of the world’s great illusionists.  I told him about the show and asked him if Illusionists ever used “plants” in the audience; actors who appeared as random volunteers but were actually permanent members of the show.

 

The man’s jaw dropped as he looked around to determine who was listening to our conversation.  It was like I had violated national security.  He nodded and then described the role of what was known in the industry as “Confederates”.  He told me how all illusions are built on simple but brilliant distractions, trade secrets that if made public would end the career of most of the major performers.  It reminded me of something Sherlock Holmes would say to Dr. Watson after describing to a client how he ascertained his observations – then hearing the client laugh at the simplicity of the method.  Holmes would turn to Watson with disgust and state, “Omni ignotum pro magnifico,” a Latin phrase that means, “Everything is made common upon explanation”.

 

The key to watching Illusionists, of course, is to constantly remember that they are creating illusions – not reality.  The left side of our brains short circuit when we watch the improbable.  We think, “This can’t be happening, but it’s happening.”  The same holds true when we encounter circumstances orchestrated by THE Illusionist.  He wants us to see a lost job, a rejected college application, a distanced relationship, or a broken bone as an inconvenient hindrance to our objectives - something we need to control and overcome (or worse - escape, more later); when in fact it is God’s protection to point us in a different direction.  Satan wants us to see a dejected individual sitting next to us on a plane as a potential “ear bender” during a long flight, when in fact it’s God’s invitation to nudge someone a step closer to the Kingdom.  We will be fooled and our hearts distracted if our radar settings are anything less than Defcon 1. 

 

Our Enemy also uses Confederates as part of his brilliant illusions.  The Bible describes his army of demons who work behind the scenes to tempt and discourage us.  In Teknon and the CHAMPION Warriors, those Confederates (to Poneros, the master enemy) are represented by two villains, Magos and Scandalon:

Satan is the Imperious Illusionist who desires more than anything else to distract us from the truth of God’s word so that we distrust His provision and direction in our lives.  When we and our young men embrace Satan’s facades; when we allow ourselves to move away from God and buy in to the illusions of our Enemy’s temptations, we suffer wounds that only God through time can heal. 

 

Imagine that you are a member of the audience watching the Imperious Illusionist perform his tricks on stage.  Look carefully – do you see where he is distracting and deceiving you, members of your family, or your friends?

Dream Builders

 

Next Tuesday night, September 9, 2008, an event will occur in Orlando, Florida that could be the launch of one of the most significant “Black Swans” (good bird) in the foreseeable future.  It’s called Dream Builders:

 

www.dreambuildersnetwork.org

 

I’ve been involved with the first Dream Builders group for the past two years – it’s been an incredible experience seeing how God steps in when men share their dreams by answering two questions:

 

1. Who do you want to help?
2. How do you want to help them?

 

When a member verbalizes his dream, he gets one of three responses from the other members:

 

1. I don’t know how to help you, but I’ll encourage you and pray for you every step of the way.
2. I can’t help, but I know someone who can, let me connect you.
3. My strengths play directly into your dream, and I’m in!

 

In that context, God connects the dots in ways only He can accomplish.  It’s like the illustration I offered in a previous post:

 

 

 

In Dream Builders we see the highly improbable (Black Swan) combine with unlimited possibilities (The Mystery Box) on a regular basis.  We don’t even try to explain the results – we just know God is connecting the dots for His glory.

 

I encourage you to click on the link above and contact me if you have any questions about the Dream Builder movement.  I’m taking my two sons (Casey and Kyle) to the event next Tuesday.  Dreams are essential both to men and young men. 

 

We are filming the Orlando event and will post the footage to the Dream Builders site in the next few weeks.  Watch the video with your son and take him out for dessert to discuss the two Dream Builder questions.  If, after watching the video you want to start a Dream Builder group in your city, contact me (brentsapp@gmail.com).  You, and men you want to do life with, will see God work in ways and means beyond belief.  Here is my interpretation of what we have experienced:

 

The Heart of a Dreamer

 

An Artist paints behind the scenes;

With plans unknown, through ways and means,

Connecting dots in time and space;

He molds my dream and crafts my place.

 

Some see this life as random acts;

While others worship cold hard facts,

But He delights in child-like faith;

And blesses those who seek His grace.

 

I am most alive when I abide and live my dreams,

On Him alone I lean; I am never – so free.

 

A few throw in and join my work;

They share their prayers, their strengths, their turf.

And I in turn will join their team,

To cast my lot upon their dream.

 

He drives the dream deep in my heart;

With passion only He can start,

To help those who I’ve come to love,

A task that fits me like a glove.

 

 

 

 

 

His Hand is Open

 

It’s got to feel as empty as Lake Lanier in North Georgia during the recent drought.  In an unprecedented Olympic sequence, both the US men’s and women’s 4 x 100 relay dropped the baton on the last leg of their qualifying heats.  In less than a few seconds, years of anticipation and hope were over.  Done.

 

 

I can’t imagine the disappointment and pain that both teams must be feeling even now; laying awake and staring at the ceiling wondering how their pass failed.  Tyson Gay, the premier US sprinter who would like to forget Beijing exists, seemed almost dazed as he spoke with the commentator after the race. 

 

Some journalists state it’s a lack of cohesiveness that produced such lackluster performances, others say poor training.  Both seem viable factors to diagnosing our athlete’s maladies.

 

Passing the baton remains one of the best images to illustrate our responsibility as fathers.  Today, more than ever before, we must engage in what author and speaker Robert Lewis describes as “strategic parenting”.   Lewis identifies three options for fathers to raise sons:  abandoned, involved, and strategic.  Some dads abdicate their responsibility altogether, a trend my wife sees everyday as a teacher in the public school system.  Other fathers stay admirably involved by attending athletic events, paying for lessons, helping homework, etc.   A small percentage, however, dedicate themselves to launch their “arrows” (Psalm 127:4) with tactical, premeditated planning – not unlike the  dedicated Jewish fathers of old who prepared their sons to participate as adults at an early age.   Strategic dads instill industriousness, establish accountability, and build character so that their boys can become men.

 

Dennis Rainey, author and president of FamilyLife, describes three junctions in a young man’s life where the father cannot fault in passing the baton, these are:  adolescence, college, and in marriage.  I wrote Teknon and the CHAMPION Warriors (www.championtraining.com) to equip fathers to transition their sons through the first junction and into young adulthood.  Whether it’s Teknon, another tool, or a father’s own creative approach – strategic “passing” through the landmarks Rainey identifies must occur.

 

Don’t look back, like the USA athletes, wondering how and why the baton dropped with your son.  Get strategic and make an effective pass.  He’s already out of the blocks and his hand is open.

We vs. Me

 

The Beijing Olympics seem to be unfolding as two stories; the first an exciting compilation of humble heroics, the other an erratic display of brilliant individual-egoistic ability.  I’m speaking of the two most highlighted categories:  swimming and track.

 

I lost sleep for a week watching Michael and Company change Olympic history time and again.  And although I’m a “Phelps Phan”, in awe of the training, discipline, and DNA driven ability of the man of the hour – I was captured by the harmonious effort of the men’s’ relays, where teamwork and mutual encouragement contributed to the defeat of staunch competition. 

 

 

 

 

I have, on the other hand, battled nausea watching the outrageously gifted Usain “Lightning” Bolt.  Never in the history of track has an individual so dominated the record books in Olympic Games.  Never has a runner revealed such innate speed and agility. When the gun fired for the 100 meter final Bolt ran like mercury in man form, almost gliding down the lane.  He was well ahead of the other runners and seemed destined to break the world record.  And then it happened.  With almost 30 meters remaining in the 100 event, he relaxed, looked around, and beat his chest in self acclimation as he crossed the line.  Did he break the world record?  Yes.  So why are commentators, journalists, and water cooler conversationalists now shaking their heads over the fastest man in history?

 

 

We love harmony because it’s us against them, or for something important.  We also expect ourselves and our heroes to give their best when their best is needed.  It’s not just Bolt’s self-acclaim that makes us twinge; it’s the fact that he could have gone faster without the antics, much faster.  We wanted to see him give every ounce effort and press every tendon to the end.  Instead his finish was more of a shallow boast than a thing of beauty.

 

 

Rick Warren hit the nail when he started his book, The Purpose Driven Life with the brilliant line, “It’s not about you.”  That statement rings true, in sports and in life. 

 

Are you listening, Lightning?  It’s not about me, it’s about we. 

Harmonious Supercharge

 

If you were up late last night you probably saw one of the greatest races in sport history.  The United States 4 x 100 men’s freestyle team came from behind, against every prediction, to steal the gold medal from the trash talking, overconfident “Four Frenchman of the Apocalypse.”  If you haven’t seen it, and even if you have, click on the link below and enjoy the moment:

 

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/share.html?videoid=0811_HD_SWB_HL_L0194

 

Of course we’re impressed with the amazing athleticism of Michael “Superman” Phelps and wish him well on his quest towards the record for gold medals.  But it’s 32 year old Jason Lezak, anchor of this historical event, who has for the moment stolen the heart of his counrtry.  Here’s a quote from Lezak after the race:

 

It’s happened to me all my career that people would get on my lane line and suck off me,” Lezak said, “so I figured this was one opportunity in all my career to do that. … I’m not going to lie. When I flipped at the 50, it really crossed my mind for a split second that there was no way. Then I changed. And I said, You know what, that’s ridiculous at the Olympics. I’m here for the United States of America. I don’t care how bad it hurts or whatever. … Honestly in five seconds I was thinking all these things. I got like a supercharge and took it from there.

 

The Olympics are at their best when moments like this race occur that offer a glimpse into what drives our heart desires when it comes to harmonious participation.  In this case the French spent the past few days declaring their intention to “smash” the Americans in this event.  Our boys were underdogs by every account including those made by USA commentator Rowdy Gaines when he said, “I’ve analyzed this race every way possible and every time it comes up France.”  Phelps held his own on the first leg, followed by all out efforts from the next two swimmers. But even with valiant effort on the first three legs, Lezak had to overcome a full body length on the world’s fastest swimmer, a giant of a man who had beaten Lezak on several occasions.  In the last 50 meters of the anchor match, Lezak pushed with monumental effort to help his team beat the “enemy” and smash the world record by three seconds.  The jubilation after the final touch was enough to pump a quart of adrenalin through any American’s veins. 

 

The point is – how does life get any better than offering our best in harmony with others to accomplish a noble and worthy task?  As I said, athletic events like this (and that of Eric Liddel in Chariots of Fire) give us a glimpse of what we long for – to be at our best when our best is needed.  I encourage you to use this amazing example of heart and harmony as a discussion opportunity with your son.